Stressed and Overwhelmed

I have no mental energy to talk psychology right now. So I decided to just talk life.

I reached my breaking point this week. We all have one. This is that point to where life gets so overwhelming that your mind and body just can’t take it anymore. The funny thing is, I thought I was fine. Do I have several stressors happening at once, yea…but I was sure I had everything under control. I’m developing a new program at work, which my boss is relying on me a lot for. I’m planning a wedding while trying to keep everyone happy and trying to stay out of debt from it. I’m learning how to integrate into a new family and what it means to be a wife and join my highly independent life with another human and his flaws. I’m trying to lose weight, and my health and every cycle that my body has has been in unpredictable shambles for months. I’m always getting sick or in pain from something. I’m trying to stay connected to friends and family because I have a tendency to pull away. I was too busy trying to stay organized, trying to be there for patients at work, trying to please my boss, trying to be a good fiancé, trying to be a great employee, and trying to be a good friend. I didn’t realize I was drowning. It’s only happened a few times in my life, so I never recognize the signs until it’s too late. The signs started Tuesday, when my heart rate was way too high and would not slow down. Then Tuesday night, I did not sleep. I don’t mean just tossing and turning and may have gotten a few hours. I mean I dozed off for 30 minutes at 6am and my body jolted me awake in a panic for no reason. I do have insomnia, but it’s usually under decent control. As I got dressed for work in tears, I realized, “I am not ok.”

If we’re not careful, stress will destroy us. It doesn’t just steal our peace, but it destroys our health. It affects everyone differently, but for me, it causes me not to sleep, I either overeat or lose my appetite completely, I gain weight for no reason, I cry… a lot, I have body aches and pains, I start to pull away and hide, and worst of all, it shoots up my blood pressure to scary numbers. I think it’s this feeling of losing control. When you feel like everything is too much and too overwhelming, it’s usually because I’m trying too hard to be in control and on top of everything.

So on Friday, I decided to let go. I told my fiancé I couldn’t go out of town with him to visit his family this weekend and that I needed to take care of myself. He understood and encouraged me too (PS - I really love him). I reluctantly cancelled dinner plans with a friend, went home after work, and crashed on my couch. At 7:30pm, I was out. I missed calls and texts that I didn’t see until 4am. I woke up to make a smoothie and didn’t even finish it before falling asleep again. This weekend has been about taking care of myself. If I would have been taking care of me all along, I would not have had to reach this point to remind me to slow down. I’ve given over more wedding responsibilities to my mom (thankful for her). I’m becoming patient with my body as it heals from whatever is going on. I am sleeping. I am praying. I am trading my planner for my journal and my Bible. I feel better.

Please remember to make time each day to care for yourself. Find what works for you. Learn to let go of what you cannot control. Whatever is going on isn’t worth it. Find your peace. Mine is in Jesus.