I have had my feelings hurt a lot lately by family, coworkers, and friends. Over the past year or so, I have felt some deep betrayals that required much prayer on my part. Do you remember when I said I was a highly sensitive person? I am not sure if this is the reason or if everyone really is out to hurt me. Now, before you go off and diagnose me with paranoia, I think that it is important to validate that we may feel this way some times, and we often have to remind ourselves of a few things.
· If we know the person truly cares about us, try not to take it personally. Most of the time when others hurt our feelings, it is not intentional. Sometimes, it actually has nothing to do with us. Recently, I felt a betrayal by a good friend going through a tough time and not managing it well. She made a poor choice, within a pattern of poor choices, that hurt me. I had to tell myself, “She didn’t hurt me because she is not a good friend and not because she doesn’t love me. She hurt me because she is not emotionally healthy right now. Maybe she cannot be a good friend to me right now because she is not healthy.” Or one person’s actions made me feel like I didn’t mean much to her. In reality, she was just overwhelmed with life at the time and it had nothing to do with me. Reframing the way we view a situation can help us not take the actions of others personally.
· If it continues to bother us and the relationship is important to us, we need to attempt to resolve it before it turns into bitterness. I am a big advocate for expressing your feelings (comes with the therapist thing and all); however, I have been guilty of becoming bitter and pulling away from people who hurt me. So we need to talk to these people more often, especially if one person continues to do things repeatedly that hurt us. Do not attack them, but let them know how their behaviors make you feel and what you need more of from them within the context of that relationship.
· If someone continues to hurt our feelings despite how much we express to them, we may want to consider how and if remaining in this relationship is beneficial to us. Remaining in an emotionally or verbally abusive relationship (romantic, friendship, or even with family) can be more damaging to us. It is ok to guard our hearts. If this is a relationship we cannot avoid (i.e. family), we can adjust our expectations of that person.
· It is important to note, that if this person who hurts us is harming us physically, this cannot be tolerated and needs to be addressed. This is NOT love. Love is patient, love is kind…1 Corinthians 3:4-8
· Forgiveness is a whole other concept that I will address at length in a future blog. However, it is important to remember that no one in our life is perfect and God even warned us that many will fail us. Now, I'm not saying not to trust people. I'm just saying that we cannot depend on others to meet our every emotional need. It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man. Psalms 118:8
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